roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
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