She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
