bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
