I bet he comes in French.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize