I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
