Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
