my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
