I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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