can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
not ubering you a puppy
Randomize
