Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
