he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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