You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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