Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
