Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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