But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
