im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Randomize
