i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
