I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
