I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize