How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Randomize
