the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
