Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
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