Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
