He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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