I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
