I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
