no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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