I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
bring money and cleavage
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
