ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
My life is pants optional.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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