He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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