I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
