so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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