My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
