Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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