So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
