By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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