you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
