who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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