drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
