You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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