she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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