I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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