I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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