Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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