Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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