Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
