Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
