If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities