I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin