Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"