she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".