She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.