And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
