You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I just gift wrapped bread.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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