If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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