you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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