I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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