insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
