went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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