where am i from again
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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