I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
