I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
My cat gives me a boner
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
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