I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Randomize
