TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
